Category Archives: Personal Development

Personal development posts

Learning From Others

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I don’t believe that we can advance our knowledge and skills in a vacuum. Can you imagine telling a child that the way to learn to ride a bike is to read a book on it? Or maybe have a doctor perform a surgery on you that they had read about in a book, but had never actually performed live?

Certainly, reading about how to do something is a part of the learning process, but there is more. Several years ago I decided that I would like to coach high school basketball. I read books and watched videos on coaching techniques.  These efforts helped me, but I had no experience in applying what I had learned.

I found that a local high school had hired someone who had coached a college division one basketball  program before moving into the area. I introduced myself to him, told him what I was after, and volunteered to help him with his team in exchange for the learning experience. He agreed and asked me to keep game stat’s on his players. One year later he got me into a head coaching position in another school.

Let’s be honest and admit that we all stand on the shoulders of others. Once this concept is embraced, we are free to evolve in our knowledge and skills. It is OK to admit that other individuals helped you along the way in your career or hobby.

So here is the plan. If you have an interest in a particular skill or knowledge area, you should certainly read as much as you can about it. The internet is a great place to find both text and video information. Next, find someone who is the most talented and approachable person you know in that skill or knowledge area, and hook up with them. Offer to help them in exchange for learning and experience. Then be diligent in fulfilling your side of the bargain, while at the same time learning as much as you can.

The result will be personal development and a friendship.  Sounds like a win/win situation to me.

One last story and a question. A current professional, and successful golfer, began his career by carrying another more experienced golfer’s clubs for an entire season. Two years later, the one who carried the clubs beat the more experienced golfer in a PGA tournament. Do some research and see who I am referring to.

Replace Yourself

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A gentleman named Wilber Margol used to say that to move forward you have to replace yourself. In other words, develop someone to take over your work so that you can move forward to other things. This seems simple at first. I don’t believe that anyone would disagree with his wisdom.

Carrying this out, though, is a different story. Whether it is pride, or fear, or both I don’t know. There is typically a reluctance to turn work over to someone else who may do things differently or better than you. The result is that you never really replace yourself and you fail to move on.

I have always wanted to surround myself with people smarter than me. The way to further my career is to have a staff that makes me look good. This is not about taking credit, because that will blow up in your face. Instead it is about giving credit for a job well done, which demonstrates leadership.

I want to share two stories with you. I led an engineering team designing a small power station on a military base. In one of our status meetings, a high ranking member of the “Brass” was in attendance. The Captain who oversaw the contract work taking place on the base began the meeting by discussing all of the active projects. Nearly every sentence began with “I”.

The Brass interrupted the Captain after about 5 minutes by saying “Mr! Your are one busy SOB”. He promptly walked out. He told me later that he was disgusted with the Captain’s failure to recognize the efforts of others.  I wonder how the Captain’s career progressed from there?

Second story. Recently, I found myself in need of a firmware engineer. I made it a point to hire someone who was significantly more knowledgable than me (relatively easy to do). I am not interested in be the “emperor in his new clothes”. The result was a new employee who immediately found a better approach our our development problems. I gave him free reign and he help us accomplish an important milestone in our project.

I gave him the credit and was rewarded with a pay raise. Zig Ziglar would be proud of me.  I wonder how my career will progress from here?

The moral of the story, and my personal philosophy, is this. Immediately, begin the process of replacing yourself with the smartest people you can find. It will take courage and confidence, but in the end, the reward is worth it.

Entitlement

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We live in a culture of entitlement. All of us. We believe that we are owed something. An easy life, success, wealth, respect, etc. We believe these are owed to us because of who we are, who we know, or maybe from some consideration of fairness. When we do not get what we believe we are entitled to, we get angry and defensive. If there is a demise in store for our culture it will find its roots in the sense of entitlement that both the “haves” and the “have nots” carry in their hearts.

The problem is that entitlement is an equation not an absolute. This is where we go wrong. The word equation means that there is a balance, of sorts, between each side of the equal sign. When we believe that we are owed something, we are not in balance because we have not taken the other side of the equation into consideration.
Consider that respect is earned, wealth is earned, and success is earned. No one would argue with this. Earning balances the equation of entitlement. With that in mind, don’t get caught up in what is fair and unfair. The concept of fairness is tied to entitlement in a way that unbalances the equation. Let’s face it, life does not owe us fairness.
So how do we reconcile the way we view entitlement with the reality of the world in which we live?  First we must change what we think we are entitled to. I believe that we accomplish this with the realization that we are entitled to strive to be our best, to achieve success through effort, to earn respect by being respectful.
My father taught me that the road to success and prosperity was by way of out thinking and out working the competition and the expectations of others. An athlete understands that success on the field of play comes from long hours of hard work in practice, which in turn comes from a commitment to excellence. You, in your professional life, must understand this also.
You want that raise or promotion, then make it easy for your employer to offer it to you. Set out to exceed expectations, and to out think and work the competition. There is no guaranty that you will get that raise or promotion no mater how hard you try. Rest assured, though, if you don’t put forth the effort you will not be rewarded and it will be your own fault.
One last thought for this post. Whereas someone who expects reward without effort is a fool, so is the person who does not reward effort. Both leave the equation out of balance.

Those We Love

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Moving through life is a process. We grow physically (sometimes not so good a thing) and mentally (always a good thing). Relationships are cultivated for better or worse and we simply move from birth to death.

All the while, what you are really doing is writing the story of your life. What kind of story will it be? What is in the wake of your life?

These are important things to consider everyday, but there is something more. We must be aware that things change. Sometimes permanently. One of these permanent changes is the loss of loved ones. This is what I want to address in the next several words.

I was fortunate in that during the last weeks of my father’s life I was able to spend many quality hours with him talking about things important to us. We left nothing unsaid. I take great comfort in this, even in the emptiness I sometimes feel since he passed.

Here is the point, don’t be so busy with writing your story that you forget loved ones. Since my father passed, there is nothing more I can give to him and there is nothing more he can give to me. The same will be true for you. So, embrace your loved ones while you can. Put aside the differences and make sure that they are written into your story.

Words You Never Use In Sales

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Words have power. And while many words have the power to help you make the sale, some words have the power to sabotage it. If you want to increase your sales, here are nine words you should avoid using with prospects and customers.

1. “No”
People hate to hear no. They love to hear yes. So whenever you’re tempted to say no to someone, stop and think how you might be able to yes to their request. This is not to say you should give away the store. Rather, look for ways to make things happen instead of automatically justifying why you can’t. If you cannot find a way to accommodate their request, instead of saying “no”, tell them what you can do.

2. “Can’t”
Speaking of “can’t,” this is another word that can anger and frustrate prospects and customers. Instead of dwelling on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do. Provide options and alternatives. Remember, you’re there to assist and serve your customers.

3. “Policy”
Here’s a news flash: I don’t care what your policy is. I only care about what I want and need. If you can deliver that, you’ve got me as a customer. If you quote “policy” as the reason you “can’t” do something, you’ve lost me. Probably forever.

4. “Don’t”
The human brain can only process a negative by thinking of the positive. Which means, when you tell your prospect “Don’t judge a product by price alone,” what they really hear (on a sub-conscious level) is “Judge a product by price alone.” When you say “Don’t worry,” they hear “Worry.” Tell your prospect or customer what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do.

5. “But”
The word “but” negates whatever came before it. (“You did a good job, but…”) Replace it with either a simple pause or the word “and.”

6. “Why”
Questions that start with “why” sound accusatory and judgmental. (“Why did you do that?”, “Why do you think that?”, “Why is that important to you?”) As a result, they cause prospects and customers to raise their defenses. Instead, rephrase “why” questions into “what” or “how” questions. (“What caused you to do that?”, “How did you come to think that?”, “What’s the reason that’s important to you?”)

7. “Honestly”
Whenever you use the word “honestly,” you imply that some or all of the other things you’ve said have not been honest. Strike the word from your vocabulary. The same goes for words like “truthfully” and “frankly.”

8. Any Term of Endearment
While words like “buddy,” “pal,” “baby” and “sweetheart” are fine with your close friends, they’re not okay to use with prospects or customer. You should always be polite, courteous and respectful. The best thing you can call a customer is their name.

9. Profanity
I shouldn’t even have to mention this. If you’re looking for a sure-fire way to offend a current or potential customer, this is it. Never chance it. You’re not a stand-up comic in a nightclub. You’re a sales professional. Speak accordingly. Even if your prospect or customer uses profanity, you do not.

Random Success Thoughts

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  • Know who you are.
  • Know where you are going.
  • Know why you are going.
  • Slow down and think your way through tough situations.
  • Balance long and short term thinking.
  • Avoid sacrificing long term goals for short term goals.
  • Keep the main thing, the main thing.
  • Your tactics should support your strategies, and your strategies should support your objectives.
  • Feeling good about yourself and your successes is more important than outward celebration.
  • Know your next goal or objective before you reach you current goal or objective.
  • Be honest with yourself.
  • Be honest with others.
  • Sleep good at night.
  • Eat healthy.
  • Give thanks where it is due.
  • Give credit where it is due.
  • Criticize to improve not to punish.
  • Have convictions and stick to them.
  • It is always about people. Good idea or bad idea, people buy in and make it happen or they don’t.

Life and Death

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I want to address two aspect of death in this post. The death of a significant other in your life and your own death. What we say and what we do have meaning to others and ourselves and should not be taken lightly

The death of a significant other is life changing. The vector of this change will depend more upon you than anyone else. You will be living with the aftermath for the rest of your life. Consider the following questions regarding the death of someone important to you.
Have you left anything unsaid that needs to be said?
Have you sought to forgive and be forgiven?
Have you made peace of mind possible?
The weeks leading up to my father’s death were some of the closest times we ever had. We spent time discussing life, death, and life after death for both my father and myself. I was able to give him peace of mind regarding my mother and brother. He was able to give me peace of mind regarding my role in his life and that of my son.
I can tell you that without a doubt, neither of us left anything unsaid. The result was that we both focused on our lives and our life impacts right up to the end. He did not want to die, but he felt free to let go when the time came. For my part, I have all this in my heart in a way that keeps my father real to me years later.
What about your own death? Are you prepared? Have you prepared others? Consider these questions.
Have you sought to forgive and be forgiven?
Have you left anything unsaid that needs to be said?
Have you done all that you want to do in life?
Have you made peace of mind possible?
As cliché as this sounds, you have to life your life as if the end could come anytime. Being prepared means having your life in order, having your relationships in order, and having things in place to impact your loved ones in a positive way after you pass.
What I learned from my dad was how important his life would be to his family years after his passing. No one lives forever in the flesh, but your impact on others lives far beyond your death. Many of his decisions, made a decade earlier, make perfect sense now, even if they didn’t then. Let me give you an example from someone’s else’s life.
A friend of mine, who recently lost his father to Alzheimer’s, found that his father wrote a letter to his family years earlier while he still could think clearly. The letter was to be opened and read after he passed. It was important to him that everything got said that needed to be said. The letter was a bridge to peace of mind for his family. It made a difference.
Ephesians 4:26 says to not let the sun go down upon your wrath. This is good advice to anyone to whom peace of mind is important. I would also advise to not let the sun go down without having told those you love that you love them.
One last thing. Don’t put off living your life to some later date when things are “better”. That time may never come. In fact, I believe that you can make choices to make things better or worse all by yourself, at anytime. I chose to live life by the thickest slice possible. If I choke, I choke. At least I will know the possibilities. I am not speaking about wealth in dollars here. It is the wealth in love, happiness and peace of mind that counts. That is priceless.

Two Dimensional Thinking

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A two-dimensional thinker sees the world as a polarized place. Who you are and what you believe becomes categorical. It is either one way or the other. These individuals can see facts, but truth eludes them because the facts are generally considered without context.
The problem with two dimensional thinkers is that they skew, or misinterpret, facts in order force them into a two dimensional framework. As a result, they frequently have “the facts”, but do not know, or are misrepresenting, the truth. This is how marketers sell their ideas, products or services. They build context around a set of facts so that the listener’s interpretation is guided to the desired conclusion. As you watch and listen to the world around you, see if you can see this take place.  How much of what you hear is fact and how much is context? Does the context pass the reality test?
Context defines truth by giving facts relevance. Conflict between people is generally the result of two dimensional thinking. This is demonstrated by the win/lose attitude of the conflicting parties. Both sides bend contextual information to fit their argument. Resolution can usually be gained by getting to a win/win attitude, which is based upon the understanding that there is an alternate solution to the conflict that the win/lose mentality cannot see. The alternate solution is typically based upon a more honest contextual framework.
All of this makes two dimensional thinkers less effective in problem resolution, listening and leadership. These areas of human thought require the ability to see things from differing perspectives. The “why” of a situation is just as important as the “What”, and the “why” is generally contextual in nature, not categorical.
Moving beyond two dimensional thinking involves accepting that most words and events in our lives have meanings that are subject to interpretation. We call this perspective.  You have heard the saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” The world looks different from different perspectives.
Seeing the world from different perspectives involves tying facts to context that may be separate from your own reality.  One of the best ways to accomplish this is by listening. Stephen Covey stated it nicely by saying we must “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Understanding is a continuous process, not a categorical one. Try, sometime, to truly listen to someone. Your ears, eyes and mind are open, but your mouth is shut. Allow yourself to evaluate alternate perspectives for the purpose of understanding. This is not about losing your own perspective or replacing it, although that may happen.  It is simply a matter of seeking to see a situation through someone else’s eyes.
Six Sigma, based solely upon statistics, is two dimensional in nature. It tells us the “what” but not the “why”. When contextual information is paired with statistical results, the “why” becomes a part of the dialog. By understanding contextual information, we are able tie causality to defects and improve processes. This way the human element is part of the picture.

Defining Leadership

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Leadership is not something that can be defined within the confines of a witty statement. In fact, it may be that you cannot easily define leadership in several pages of intelligent ramblings. My personal belief is that defining leadership is like describing a boot with nothing to go on except a boot print. Let’s see if I can describe the boot print.

First, leadership does not exist outside of the individual. It requires a host to manifest itself. This is why so many fail to capture the essence of leadership when trying to describe it as a separate stand alone quality. Leadership is not a thing to be assigned. It is, instead, a result of other “things”.

Second, leadership does to exist without followship. It works like this. Leadership exists because of followship, which exists because of leadership, which exists because of followship….

For a leader, followship comes in two forms. First, a leader gets the authority to act from their followers. Supervisors get their authority to act from higher up in a management chain. This is why you will often find that the supervisor and the leader in a group are not the same person. The supervisor will never find significant success without collaborative leadership, from themselves or someone else in the group.

The second followship comes from a leader’s willingness to follow others when necessary. Delegation and sharing of control come from trust, which is at the core of leadership. A leader knows to stay focused on those things that only they can do and delegate to others what others should be doing. A leader who will not share control is nothing more than a supervisor.

If you want to be a leader, do not seek to be a leader. I know this seems like double talk, but leadership cannot be coerced or taken like a prize.  Leadership chooses its host, when others chose to follow. In other words, you can chose to be a leader only when leadership is offered from followers. It is earned instead of assigned.

“I See You” Management

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Connectivity between human beings is the beginning of synergy.  It is written in our genetic code and expresses itself in our drive to connect to others and be part of a group. Since this is how we are wired, it only makes sense that the most effective management styles, as far as us humans are concerned, leverages this aspect of our specie’s corporate psyche.

I would call this “I See You” management. I did not coin this phrase, but since I cannot remember who did, I will use it for this post. The way I see thIngs, “I See You” management is based upon three levels of recognition.

I see you. You are there, or here, and I acknowledge your presence. This is important to the individual because we all want to be a part of the group or team. Recognition is a powerful fulfillment agent when it comes to our personal emotional bank account. This is consistent with the conclusions from Elton Mayo’s Hawthorne Works experiments from the 1920’s.

I see you as a person with hopes, dreams, joys and fears. A complete person fills my vision. You cannot effectively manage a person from the perspective of seeing them as an available asset rather than as a person. The ability to motivate someone comes from knowledge of their personal value proposition. Lou Holts, as a football coach, would require the players on each special team to know their teammates full names, the names of their immediate family members and some special fact about them. Coach Holts knew that a player would block more effectively for “Bobby”, who they knew, than they would for the “running back”, even though they were the same person.

I value you for who you are, not at the level of your title or your possessions, but instead at the level of your commitment and effort. This is tricky ground because I am not speaking exclusively about commitment and effort at work. Although these are critical to acceptable performance at work, I also will also value you for your commitment and efforts on behalf of others outside of the work environment. A lot can be learned about someone by how they treat others. I was at a restaurant recently with a business acquaintance who wanted to join my business team. He was disrespectful to our waitress and others he encountered while there. Even though He was very respectful to me, I could see that he only valued people for what he wanted from them. This attitude did not fit our culture and I did not hire him.

The result of “I See You” management is trust. Trust is the interpersonal lubrication that allows successful organizations to tackle tough problems and weather the storms of uncertainty. It is also the glue that keeps a team from despair and fragmentation. It keeps an organization in alignment when other forces are trying to pull it apart.

In my daily walk through my business, I try to touch every employee with a message about their value to me and our business journey together. I expect them to do the same.  It keeps us sane, focused and successful.